Grief: The Unwanted Houseguest Who Doesn’t Follow the Rules (But Teaches You Something Anyway)

By Jamie McGrew, MPA, Director of Community Outreach & Programming, Mental Health & Recovery Services Board

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Every year, we highlight ways to care for our minds and hearts — drink water, take walks, maybe stop doomscrolling at 1 a.m. (not that I have personal knowledge of that one.) But this year, I want to talk about a guest we all encounter eventually, yet most of us wish we could avoid: grief.

Grief is like that houseguest who doesn’t knock, shows up early, and stays well past their welcome. You never quite know what they’re going to do next. One day they’re crying on your couch; the next, they’re reorganizing your closet without asking. And just when you think they’ve packed up to leave, they pop back in the door — “Oh hey, just remembered one more thing!” Grief is the king of the “Midwest goodbye”.

If you’ve ever grieved, you know: it’s exhausting, messy, and deeply personal. And it doesn’t just show up when someone we love passes away (although that’s the big one). Grief can sneak in after divorce, job loss, illness, moving away from a place you love, or even watching your kids grow up and leave the house. I once grieved the loss of a car I had named -no judgment please, she was pretty!

What makes grief tricky is that it doesn’t follow logic or timelines. Some people feel numb; some feel every emotion at once; some swing between wanting to stay in bed and wanting to rearrange the garage at midnight or cook enough to feed an army even though you live alone (again, no  personal knowledge…).  There’s no “right” way to do it. It doesn’t matter how old you are — grief is weird and chaotic!

The Sneaky Ways Grief Shows Up

• In kids: They might ask strange, deep questions at bedtime (“What happens when we die?”) or have big meltdowns over small things.

• In teens: They might withdraw, snap at you for asking how they’re doing, or suddenly decide to make a dress from start to finish at midnight (true story — grief comes out in mysterious ways).

• In adults: It can show up as brain fog, irritability, crying in public bathrooms (been there), or questioning your entire life’s purpose while folding laundry.

• In older adults: It might show up as loneliness, physical aches, or feeling disconnected from people who haven’t shared similar losses.

  
  

What Helps (And What Really Doesn’t)

Things that don’t help: telling yourself (or others) to “just move on,” comparing grief timelines, pretending to be okay when you’re not, or drowning it in busyness.

Things that do help: allowing yourself to feel what you feel without judgment, resting (even when you feel you “should” be productive), talking about the person or thing you’ve lost, and finding ways to honor them.

Grief softens over time, but it never fully disappears. And weirdly, that’s okay. It becomes part of your story, part of the love you carry.

Supporting Others in Grief (Spoiler: You Don’t Need Magic Words)

When someone you care about is grieving, you don’t have to fix it. Please don’t offer a “silver lining.” (Trust me, they’ve already heard: “At least they’re in a better place,” and “Everything happens for a reason.” These phrases are well-meaning but rarely comforting.)

Instead, say:

• “I’m here.”

• “I miss them, too.”

• “I don’t have words, but I’m sitting with you in this.”

Show up with snacks, tissues, and your presence. That’s enough.

Resources for Grief Support (for every age)

For Children (ages 3-12):

• Sesame Street’s Grief Resources: Yes, Sesame Street — they know what they’re doing. Visit SesameStreetInCommunities.org for simple videos, printable activities, and conversation starters for young kids.

• The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families: www.dougy.org — Offers guides for parents, videos, and support group directories.

• Books: The Invisible String by Patrice Karst is wonderful for kids who need reassurance that love stays with us.

For Teens (ages 13-18):

• Teen Grief Support at The Dougy Center: Special teen resources at www.dougy.org.

• Hope Squad: Many schools have Hope Squad, a peer-to-peer suicide prevention program that also supports teens dealing with grief. Check if your local school district participates.

• Books: You Will Be Okay: Find Strength, Stay Hopeful, and Get to Grieving by Julie Stokes is written just for teens navigating loss.

For Adults:

• GriefShare: A nationwide network of local in-person and virtual grief support groups. Find one near you at www.griefshare.org.

• Option B by Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant: This book (and website, www.optionb.org) helps adults build resilience in grief and other life setbacks.

• Hospice of Central Ohio & Local Hospices: Many hospices offer free bereavement support groups and counseling for families who have experienced loss, regardless of where or how the loss occurred.

For Older Adults:

• AARP Grief & Loss Resources: www.aarp.org/griefandloss — Includes articles, videos, and support tailored to seniors experiencing loss.

• Senior Centers & Faith Communities: Many senior centers and churches offer grief support groups and social connection activities.

• Books: Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman is a daily meditation guide many older adults find helpful.

  
  

Give Yourself Grace

Here’s what I want you to know: Grief has no deadline, no one-size-fits-all strategy, and no gold stars for doing it “right.” It might show up on your birthday, in the middle of a meeting, or when you hear a song you’d forgotten. That’s okay.

What matters most is being kind to yourself and others. If you need help, ask for it. If you know someone grieving, show up — and keep showing up long after the funeral is over.

This Mental Health Awareness Month, let’s talk about grief honestly. It’s messy, annoying, and sometimes feels like that friend who overstays their welcome. But ultimately, grief is a reflection of love — and love, even in its hardest forms, is always worth making space for.