Although the holidays are a season of celebration for many, stress and tension can be elevated during the last months of the year, especially if we feel out of sync with the “norms” of certain holiday traditions: family get togethers, present exchanges, large meals, and revisiting positive memories. In truth, days of celebration can be times of intense loneliness and sadness, especially for those of us whose loved ones are no longer with us, or for those of us who have experienced trauma. Some of us may have family situations that are currently unstable, whether due to financial, interpersonal, or medical challenges. Even if we typically sail through the season, the people we care for may have the stress of missing home and loved ones or revisiting disappointments from years ago. Moves to nursing homes, hospital stays, recent divorces or deaths can make it feel impossible to be grateful.
Especially as the Midwestern skies turn gray and the days shorten, it can be easier to choose inactivity, over-consumption of comfort foods or alcohol, and isolation instead of movement, dietary awareness, and connection. Below are some ideas to help you “start where you are” and to kindly coach yourself through the last weeks of 2024 while keeping your current situation and energy level in mind.
Write It Out: Keeping a journal—whether the “old fashioned” pen and paper kind, or through one of the many available apps (DayOne is a free option combining daily photos and notes)—can be an emotionally impactful way of recognizing, processing, and releasing past and present hurts. Although we typically associate resolutions with the month of January, “writing it out” can help clarify our values and hopes for ourselves. It can also assist us in dreaming up a change we would like to make in our lives, and imagining how we might take steps towards this goal.
Move Along: In our task-based, accomplishment-driven society, it can feel strange to take a walk with no steps goal or destination in mind. But our bodies are our foundations. Over the years, ignoring our need for physical activity can translate into chronic pain issues or health conditions. Processing grief and loss can also take a physical toll. Take a walk, just to walk—or maybe take what an artist friend calls a “Color Walk,” noticing as many different colors as you can on your way.
Keep In Mind: Anxiety, depression and insomnia can spike during the winter months. Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, affects many who live in states with particularly gloomy winters. Light box therapy has proven successful in treating symptoms of anxiety and depression, which often accompany grieving. One intervention involves no equipment: mindful attention to your breath. During times of overwhelm, find a calm area, or create a quiet space simply by closing your eyes, bringing your attention to your breath, and inhaling to a count of three and exhaling to the four. Mindful breathing has been shown to ease our “fight or flight” stress reactions and help lower our heart rates.
De-screen: Our screen-centered society is impossible to avoid, yet likely contributing to our overwhelm. “Digital fatigue” is real, and strains not just our eyes but also our psyches. Put the phone down, turn off the tv, step (or roll) away from the computer. Set a timer and look out the window for ten minutes. Or lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling. Even if chaos is swirling around—partners, parents, kids, grandkids, pets—you can be the one steady, unmoving spot in the room, if only for a short while.
Save Space for Grace: When everything is overwhelming, pause and ask yourself, What is most important at this moment? Work deadlines are high priority, but so is arriving home safely, making sure we take time to unwind, refuel and to connect with those we care about and who care about us. After one or several exhausting days at work, or a time of personal loss, it is difficult to find the energy to have dinner with a friend or call your dad back. But those social connections can give us the opportunity to connect, to vent, to laugh, to remember who we are, no matter the time of year.
Expand Your View: It may help to think of a goal or project you have secretly wanted to pursue—maybe a professional certification, a trip with a friend in the spring—as a way to navigate the days (and nights) where holiday cheer feels heavy. Casting ahead can be an effective technique to lessen stress in the present moment and remind our brains—and spirits—that a new year is approaching. Reading has also been shown to positively affect our mental health and can be a way to step out of our story and see the world through another’s eyes. Lucille Clifton’s heartfelt poem, “i am running into a new year” might provide encouragement to you or someone you know who is moving through these days one step at a time:
i am running into a new year
and the old years blow back
like a wind
that i catch in my hair
like strong fingers like
all my old promises and
it will be hard to let go
of what i said to myself
about myself
when i was sixteen and
twenty-six and thirty-six
even thirty-six but
i am running into a new year
and i beg what i love and
i leave to forgive me
—Lucille Clifton, Good Woman: Poems and A Memoir 1969-1980
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