Looking Forward to the New Year
By Holly St.Pierre MS Ed LPCC SUPV
As I snuggled up to watch the heartwarming short movies of the season, The big Green Guy
was the first one my family embarked upon while chatting, munching and watching the holiday
story. As the room became quieter and the attention was more attuned to the story, I found
myself seeing this tale in a ‘new light.’
The Grinch has always been so mean!! He steals and hurts. He has not a bit of empathy or
compassion. I never liked this story.
The Grinch hated Christmas. Hated the WhoVilles. Blamed all WhoVilles for his meanness.
WhoVilles loved Christmas and were Fearful of The Grinch.
What is all this with his heart??? He has a small heart!
The Grinch wants Christmas to come no more…but why?
Oh, the celebrations with laughter and food.
The most irritating of all the singing.
The songs convince us that this big green monster is horrible with an empty heart and soul.
As viewers, we are hurting with pain for all those in Whoville. We want to reach-out and help the
sweet little Max who has to fill some mighty big shoes as the Reindeer.
Our disgust rises as the story moves along.
But curiosity lingers…Why does the Grinch take everything?
I know just what they’ll do… states the Grinch…they will cry!
BUT…the love, friendship, connection was bigger than the tragedy.
Heart too small….
Negatively impacted by happy stories and experiences during Christmas…..Many of us struggle
during the holidays as our senses bring up past trauma, memories that continue to hurt today.
This movie short is from 2018, The Grinch Mini Movie (you can see clips on YouTube). It gives
a few more specifics to this Holiday tale that shine a light on the traumatic outcomes of disrupted attachment/primal wounds of foster care, adoption, children’s homes, group homes.
The uncertainty, fears, loss, abandonment and grief that all go through.
Sweet baby Grinch is living at the “orphanage.” He is forgotten at Christmas. He witnesses all
those engaging in the love of the season. He searches for attachment, attunement, love… how
to cope with something so unbearable as a child? This brings up the fact that those who are
placed in adoption, foster care experience a broken connectedness, relational bond like no
other.
In this version, The Who’s are nice and not scared of the Grinch.
The Grinch is used to being in survival mode. He is alone, he convinces himself it is better to be
alone. This way no one can leave me. Some adult adoptees will share that they feel alone and
disconnected in a room full of people who they know love them. Many adoptees fall into
masking to please those around them as another way of survival.
He received no presents and was all alone on Christmas. This narrative he retold for years to fuel his survival. Behavior has meaning. All the noises, happiness, fun, all triggered horrible sad attachment memories from his childhood. He had no food and presents when he was a child.
His heart was smaller, no connection, no attachments, no community, no attunement.
We then discover that the issue is not anger and hate; it appears to be loneliness, abandonment
and fear. Mr. Grinch is going through post traumatic responses to complex trauma.
How refreshing it is for the Grinch to be so very creative, fun and connected with his dog. The
ability to connect the creative right brain has huge impacts on trauma recovery. It is vital to
understand that using cognitive approaches alone will not foster true regeneration of the neural
connections for post traumatic growth.
He accidentally turns the tree on at the Town Tree Lighting Ceremony; the sensory overload at
this point was too much as it began the flooding of memories in each way of the darting of his
eyes: Isolated, abandoned, sad, no mom or no dad. No friends, no tree, no gifts, no one… no
one cared!
Many of those witnessing this event don’t understand this reaction as we think this a time to
celebrate. To be trauma sensitive we are expected to stay regulated and become the
supporter. Every action and reaction has a purpose to meet a need. The Grinch was not
cognitively aware of why he was reacting in this manner. This somatic encounter changes
everything for Grinch. He apologizes and becomes whimsy.
His focus for survival is connectedness with his dog and negative coping skills. We see him
attune, connect, brainspot, and feel his heart grow with love and compassion nearing the end of
the movie. He has a somatic experience.
He connected to the girl and with curiosity he wondered…. This scene is a fabulous depiction of
attunement and brainspotting: Sound, body, sight, spot, attunement, presence of others.
As we see the town welcome the Grinch, the audience ponders the thought that this is just the
Grinch’s issues and his perspective. His trauma has been with him a very long time impacting
his daily life.
The Grinch begins to realize that others do care when the reindeer returns to help him, when he
is invited to Christmas dinner, showing kindness to Max. Cindy Lou Who shares with the Grinch that he is forgiven and has been alone long enough. Grinch struggles to do the hard thing… show up for Christmas Dinner. Many times, the known pain is better and doable in relationship to the unknown vulnerability, experiential outcome. He shares with all those who are so excited to see him that he was mean because he thought it would fix something.
The Grinch is excited to be part of it all as he jumps in to be helpful.
He takes the toast and shares his new awareness that it really isn’t Christmas that he is mad at;
It is loneliness and abandonment. He identifies the true change in his heart… that one little act of kindness changed his entire life.
What a wonder this may have been to take such a surface story of meanness versus kindness
and allow humanity to see that early experiences do impact our lives. We hold on to it. We
relive it. We need to learn how to sit in it with acceptance, compassion, wisdom and regulation.
Then, continue living.
I am so thankful for this new rendition of an old tale. Things I will take with me…
● Showing kindness is a valuable healing tool. Teach this to others!
● Keeping our eyes open to those who are sad, angry, lonely. Everyone needs connection!
● People don’t always know why they are mad. We hold experiences and trauma that
come out in unexpected ways. Compassion is important.
● Disrupted Attachment is always traumatic
● One act of kindness can make a HUGE impact. Smile and care.
My challenge to our Society for the New Year… put this into practice, I would
venture a guess that our society would see a decrease in depression, anxiety and addiction.
When a person feels love and connection to others, they are able to manage the ups and downs
of life more effectively. Healing happens in connection.
What we all need is kindness and love! Proclaims the Grinch…
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